Couples Therapy

The relationship is getting worse.

Sometimes, the worst kind of loneliness happens when you are with someone but fail to connect.

The unfolding of life and the constancy of change often turn lovers into strangers.

It’s a sad and scary moment when you realize the person in whom you have invested so much now makes you cringe.

It’s like they have become experts in bringing out the very worst in you. It wasn’t meant to be this way.

Is there a way out of this?

Don’t give up – get help.

You want to do everything possible before giving up on the person you love.

Couples therapy can help you reconnect and renew your agreements, communication strategies, and your boundaries, so you can build the life you want to share without getting stuck in the inevitable challenges of commitment.

Take a step toward reconciliation, and let go of the need to be “right.”

Your couple’s therapist will not play the role of judge. No matter how much evidence you bring to the table against your partner, the purpose of couples and family therapy is not to find a culprit or to shame your loved one into changing.

The purpose of your time in couples therapy will be reconciliation and growth.

Meet Bow and Arrow

They found each other and felt compelled to be together.

They both know that no relationship is perfect, but lately, their gut tells them that it shouldn’t be this hard.

It has become increasingly more difficult for them to share pleasant experiences without things ending up in frustrating arguments. Each of them feels gaslighted by the other’s attempts to express their feelings and perspectives. Both often feel micromanaged, manipulated, unheard, misunderstood, and unacknowledged.

They have invested a lot into their relationship, and there is no doubt that they care for each other. Still, thoughts of separating, which were once unimaginable, have become increasingly present as they continue to trip over the same obstacles and old patterns.

Both know something is wrong.

Bow feels like there is something that was once there and is now missing. Arrow agrees and thinks they are at odds with each other about important things and feels like they are drifting apart.

The floor beneath them has turned into eggshells. They can’t seem to take a step toward fixing their situation without triggering each other.

Their bed is cold and intimacy scarce. The safety of their routine and the lack of new experiences have become like a numbing drug for both Bow and Arrow.

Communication has diminished.

Avoidance and the tendency to ignore the tough conversations have claimed their home. When Bow and Arrow try to communicate, their communication dynamics are stuck in a pattern tied to blaming, talking past each other, and digging up skeletons from the past.

There is a palpable fear that this is not the relationship they envisioned having.

More and more, they feel like they are drifting apart as they go through the motions. But deep down, they experience loneliness, even while they are together.

It breaks their hearts to imagine becoming strangers to each other. Shame and guilt fill them to keep them from acknowledging their feelings of failure to their friends and family.

They hope things can improve and will fight for the chance to rekindle the flame and to keep all the valuable things of their relationship before giving up on it on account of the hard parts.

Bow and Arrow are not alone.

Life has a way of keeping a relationship vibrant and challenging.

Communication can become more difficult, and couples can grow apart.

This is not unique to Bow and Arrow. Many couples struggle with the same problem and need help.

Lessons learned through couples therapy.

Couples therapy provides a means of finding resolution and renewing broken relationships.

Your couples therapist will teach you alternative ways to navigate through conflict, disagreements, and tension in a healthier way.

This allows couples to become better at taking care of each other’s emotional and practical needs and go on enjoying the more pleasant aspects of the relationship.

Couples seeking therapy hold many goals in common.

Some seek to improve their ability to communicate with and understand each other. They may want to unveil their most vulnerable parts to each other.

Sometimes built-up resentment needs to be processed and unpacked, and they may seek forgiveness for past failings and want to rebuild trust.

For some, it is about learning to clarify and align their mutual goals for the future.

It may be a need to learn how to set boundaries without fear of unhealthy retaliation or abandonment. Perhaps it is about learning to disagree, yet ‘fight clean.’

You may want to build strategies to maintain a healthy and realistic intimacy and desire for each other to have your needs met and allow for a sense of identity that doesn’t become lost in the relationship’s needs.

Perhaps it’s about wanting to reinvent the dynamics of the relationship to regain passion.

As your therapist, our goal….

…is to make all parties feel understood in their own perspectives. We believe all conflicts in relationships have more than one contributing side that needs to be explored and considered to reach a resolution.

If one person’s personal challenges and limitations contribute unevenly to the relationship problems, we will also provide tools and strategies to help that individual work through them while still focusing on the goals of the couple or family.

Doing individual work within couples of family therapy increases empathy and accountability of the participants.

What about cases of separation or divorce?

Even though the common goal of couples therapy is to reconcile, it is sometimes unfortunately not possible to do this.

Your therapist can help you navigate the separation process or divorce in a way that maintains the dignity and safety of each partner and minimizes emotional impact on each individual and their family/community.

Professional advice is the best solution.

Seeking professional advice is the best way to address relationship problems between partners.

Relationships can get better, communication is possible, and romance can be rekindled.

For those cases where divorce appears the only option, peaceful resolution is possible.

Contact us today: (917) 268-9213. We would love to work with you.